Facebook Told Me To Tell You Something

This is hysterical!!!

Tara Sparling writes

Facebook is very worried about me. It keeps sending me notifications.

“You haven’t updated your status in two weeks!” it screeched, with the plaintive moan of a very large behemoth working itself into a lather over a broken fingernail.

“People are INTERESTED in going to something that’s on somewhere relatively near you, if that notion of relatively near were to be very loosely applied!!” it bellowed, beseeching me for some, any, level of engagement.

“We’ve made a video for YOU, Tara!” it wheedled, finally. “Because you mean so much to us, some algorithm made a thing out of randomly selected stuff from your past you couldn’t care less about!”

I turned away, preoccupied with something resembling real life.

There was silence for a time. Tumbleweed rolled past my closed eyelids. My fingers ceased twitching in my sleep. I was known to go without checking my phone for entire afternoons.

And then it tried again, its voice…

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